chevman's Xanga

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 06:25:47 GMT

hey people of tabulas!! i have a new account there!!

http://www.tabulas.com/~chevman

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

Tue, 12 Oct 2004 05:29:52 GMT

click HERE to see what kinda druggieyou are!

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Thu, 07 Oct 2004 16:30:10 GMT

life isn't perfect. that i know...i've finally realized that you can't be happy in all aspects of your life. there's just gotta be one portion of everybody's life that they're not happy with. they could be happy with the job they have, yet be unhappy in their personal life. or they could be ecstatic about their love life, and be unbelievably saddened by the way their life is going with their family. you could put me in the latter category. for the past few days (ever since i got my new job), i've "disappeared" from home. i didn't run away or anything like that...i'm just really feeling the so-called "middle child syndrome". many other middle-children can relate to what i'm talking about. the feeling where it seems nobody seems to care about you. the feeling where all you want is a simple "hi" from other members of your household, but all you get is a big fat nothing. it's like when you're at a party, you see that everyone else is having a great time, and you think to yourself, "would anybody really notice if i left?" it's not like this hasn't happened to me before...(trust me, it has) but those times would only last for a day. when i'd wake up the next morning, i've all of a sudden "appeared" to them. but this episode has been going on for about 3 days now...and it's really getting to me. i know for a fact that i didn't do anything wrong...i've accomplished what was expected from me...and all of them know that. it's so weird...it's not like they don't notice me...they do, actually...but not in the way that people are usually noticed. i can hear them laughing in one room, then when i enter, dead silence. like i was some kind of ghost or something. what's even worse is, when i enter a room (or area) that they're in, i stay there, and 5 seconds later, they leave me all alone. the family pet gets more attention than me now...and he's a DOG, for crying out loud. i find myself checking the mirror sometimes to see if i've really disappeared from the face of the earth...but, sadly, i'm still here.

so now, my mind is starting to think...what if i really disappeared from this house? would anyone notice? would anyone miss me? would they all actually be happier if i were to leave? this isn't the first time these thoughts have entered my mind, though...i've actually left the house a couple of times before for about a week at a time...of course the usual messages come in..."we miss you here at home", "why did you leave", "we want you home", etc...but then when i come back, it'll all be okay for about a couple of weeks, then we're back to where we started from...it's a cycle, and i'm at the bottom...all the time. if i didn't have a job close to home (wow, home...the word has lost all meaning.), i wouldn't be here right now, in my room, typing this. i'd be gone...away from here, maybe...or gone, as in, GONE.

it's really sad when your own family, your own flesh and blood, doesn't acknowledge your existence day after day. i mean it would be okay if your girlfriend were mad at you...at least that's fixable...or if your boss is pissed off at you...that, too, is fixable...or if your best friend isn't as friendly as before...fixable, fixable, fixable...but when it's your family (not just one member, mind you, all of them), it just seems hopeless.

now that i think about it, all the problems that i've had before COMBINED couldn't compare to what's happening to me right now...i love my family so much...but now i'm questioning the so-called "love" that they have for me. the "love" that my parents have for their 19 year old son...the "love" that Cj has for her younger brother...the "love" that my younger bro has for his "kuya"...the love i have for them will never change...but it seems to me that they don't feel the same way.

i don't know what to do...God, please help me...

Monday, October 04, 2004

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 16:14:17 GMT

PEOPLE!!! I GOT A JOB!!! hehehe...well, it's not much, but at least i'm doing something with my life...i'm currently working for Ideabulb (the company behind WhateverTV) as a marketing executive/recruiter of talents/idea-maker for programs/everything else you can think of...and i'm SO happy!! we're currently looking for sponsors for the channel itself (which airs at 10pm-1am everyday on channel 3 Global Kabayan...Destiny Cable lang po.) so, if you know of businesses willing to help us out, just message me through here or if you know my number, text me na lang...kung makuha yung sponsorship, you'll get a commission from me...how much, you ask? depends on what package they choose...:D the better the package, the more you'll get! if you're a Destiny Cable subscriber, PLEASE support WHATEVER TV...it would mean SO much to me!

Friday, October 01, 2004

Fri, 01 Oct 2004 09:23:12 GMT

standing on the edge...feeling the wind brush against my face...about to take that step into the unknown...smiling...happiness, excitement fills my senses...then reality strikes me...nervousness...doubt...fear...questions run through my mind...two options...either back up and wonder what might have been, or go for it and experience what will be...sweat generates in my palms...uncontrollable shaking...my heart beats faster and faster in my chest...i take a deep breath...and i take that final step...i fall...leaving my doubts and fears behind...i feel nothing yet i feel everything...my mind is clear...this is happiness...this is bliss...THIS IS ME.

-chevy™

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Thu, 30 Sep 2004 17:10:13 GMT

i know that all i've been talking about here lately has been about Patchie...my baby...but i hope you guys (all 5 of you) understand that feeling when you FINALLY (after 2 loooooooong years) meet that special you KNOW is so right for you...that's the exact feeling that i have right now...and i think it's gonna linger for a while...with that in mind, allow me to show all of you my wallpaper on my phone...*drumroll please*

She shook more then just my hand. She rocked my mind and my heart, making me fall head over heels for her… I dont care... I know she is right for me....

-AbsentDuo

perfection.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 18:18:41 GMT

"CATS"

Which Broadway Musical Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

apparently, i've closed.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 17:58:13 GMT

i had a great day today...actually, it was pretty boring at first, but it picked up at night...see that picture below this post? that picture of that beautiful woman? well, i was with her tonight at her event in Vbar...and i had the most awesome time...ugh...it's only been a couple of hours since i last saw her, and i miss her so much...i can't believe that she feels the same way about me too...wow...it's been two long years since i've felt this way for someone...but i welcome the feelings back with open arms...this could be the start of something AMAZING...and this time, i'm gonna do things right...i don't wanna mess this up like i've done with past relationships...coz who knows when i'd be able to have something this special again...right? I MISS YOU PATCHIE...

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 17:54:33 GMT

the reason for my newly-recovered happiness.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 16:06:47 GMT

people keep telling me that i'm destined for better things...how come that's so hard for me to believe? i mean, it's not like i don't want better things to happen to me, it's just that if you were in my shoes, i think any of you would feel the same way.

i'll come back to this blog when my life starts getting more interesting...so for now, adieu.